


The Illusion of Normality

by Neth Dugan (Nethdugan)



Category: Star Trek: Voyager
Genre: Asexuality, Community: lgbtfest, Gen, Identity Issues
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-06-20
Updated: 2010-06-20
Packaged: 2017-10-10 05:16:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,176
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/95981
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nethdugan/pseuds/Neth%20Dugan
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It takes a while, and much research, but Seven of Nine comes to realise after being freed from the Borg that no, you don't have to be either sexual or somehow deficient. That she isn't deficient.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Illusion of Normality

_"She's completely clueless about it. I mean, she understands the concepts but she has no idea... so she just knows the black and white, basic fundamentals of sexuality. She doesn't really get it." - Jeri Ryan on Seven of Nine_

 

It had been one year and a month since Seven of Nine had been separated from the Collective and her attempts to understand the humans and other races around her hadn't progressed as far as expected. The more recent events around trying to understand human romance and sexuality had been a failure, leading to results she did not fully understand. Nor like. Humans were romantic, sexual creatures and if she were to assimilate into this group properly then would have to become so also even if she did not understand it or feel it. Except for deficient humans, all felt it and so must she.

It was a possibility that some of the hormones and brain activities required for such things had yet to develop properly. Humans almost always developed in such areas during puberty, a time she had never experienced because of the Borg and it could be that her body had yet to fully adapt. The fact that other functions relating to puberty seemed completed an inconvenient fact. The Doctor still gave her regular medical inspections and assistance as her body adapted and perhaps this would lead to a solution in if her body would adapt to comply with human norms. All she had felt so far was a particular fondness for isolated individuals but nothing that she would define as sexual. Time, however, would bring the rest.

The course of action to take, therefor, would be to wait. It could not be too long.

 

****

One year and six months after the failed experiment and the situation had not changed in the anticipated manner. Seven had grown a greater understanding of interpersonal relationships and had formed friendships and amongst the crew. Her body had finally finished adjusting to its human status some five months ago. But on the matter of sexual attraction nothing had changed. So it was a confused Seven of Nine who found herself conducting a more informal study of human and humanoid sexuality whilst sitting alone in the Mess Hall during the primary dinner period.

It was, so far as she could tell, a universal truth that humans experienced some sort of sexual attraction unless they suffered from a medical condition. She did not. A reasonable next step had been to conduct experiments on the holodeck, and Seven had done so by drawing up the images and movement of many different figures through all the permutations she could think of. No form of attraction or arousal had occurred. It was confusing and defied what she knew. All around her she could see this aspect in the way the crew moved, how their pupils dilated or they sweat in arousal to those around them. How it affected their behaviour and reactions. She saw these reactions directed towards her from men and women but could not detect it in herself when encountering another. It was intolerable. It was... lonely.

"Excuse me ma'am," a young female voice unexpectedly came from above her head level. "Do you mind if I join you? There's not much room left in here and..."

"You may"

"Thanks."

The woman was, Seven noted, an ensign from the engineering or security departments that she had seen before but rarely interacted with. She had dilated pupils, high if soft cheekbones that complemented her skin tone which was a shade or two darker than Chakotay's, and eyes that seemed to stand out from the rest of her face in intensity. It was, in all, an attractive face that no doubt drew in many admirers. And yes to her.... it wasn't until the ensign smiled and cleared her throat that Seven realised that she had been staring too long.

"Ensign C. K. Dhanya from Security ma'am," she answered the unasked question in a tone Seven usually heard in Torres' voice when she 'teased' people.

It was not as annoying this time as it had been before, though perhaps the lack of history aided in that impression.

Returning to the the data padd and the research data she'd collected and attempting to covertly study the people in the room without the notice of Ensign Dhanya who was busy eating her dinner and reading her own padd. There was an answer to what was happening to her, it was merely a matter of finding it even if it required her to more intensive neural scans of herself and attempt to do so on others. Because as much as he disliked ever admitting to the fact, Seven was scared. It was not a feeling she enjoyed.

There were few options open to her. The first was to specifically ask the Doctor about the matter however as his knowledge was based entirely upon the database she had already scoured through this did not seem the best option. The second was to conduct a large scale survey of the human crew members, perhaps even beyond that in case it was something the others would have observed. Yet that would not be popular and raise more questions than Seven was comfortable with in to public a manner. The third was to ask an individual human up front although the problem would then turn to who to ask.

And Seven wasn't sure that any of her friends would know or if she'd even be able to talk about this to somebody she already knew, or knew her to be precise.

"Can I help you with something?"

"Excuse me?"

"Well," Ensign Dhanya started with what appeared to be a concerned if stubborn look on her face. "You look troubled. Looking for something. And my mother always said I was a good listener. Ma'am."

"You are correct. I am attempting to answer a puzzle that has troubled me for some considerable time now."

"What have to tried? To solve it I mean."

"Research in the Starfleet database and observation of human interaction. I have been quite thorough."

"I'm sure you have ma'am," the other woman seemed to laugh slightly. "But not everything is in there, and if it is maybe not in the places you'd look. Some things you just have to talk about, ask people who actually grew up with or trained with whatever or wherever this problem is related to. If nothing else works, just ask."

Seven looked at her and acknowledged the argument's validity, after all she'd come to a similar conclusion herself.

"Perhaps you are right."

That did not , however, mean Seven knew who to turn to. The conversation indicated this woman would be willing to assist her but she was unaware of the nature of that help, and one thing she had learnt was humans seemed to shy away for discussions on such topics. Some of that modesty had started to transfer to herself, and attaining answers may require her to throw off that modesty again. It served no purpose and at this point was only a hindrance. Decisive action was required.

"Could you assist me?"

The ensign looked surprised but nodded in the affirmative. Unsure what that meant it was wise to continue.

"It regards personal matters that humans seem unwilling to talk openly about."

"Well, you can be a bit blunt. Some people aren't used to that. Some people just embarrass easily. Go ahead ma'am, I'll tell you if I become... unwilling."

"Very well. Since Captain Janeway disconnected me from the Borg I have slowly been adapting and my biology returning to a human norm. There is something wrong however and I am unsure what it means as any mention of it in the database connects it to other symptoms that are easily detected. Yet no such symptoms have occurred."

"Have you talked to the Doctor about it?"

"I have not. He runs medical scans regularly and sees nothing wrong, in addition all his knowledge is contained within the database."

"Good point there ma'am. What do you think is wrong with you but doesn't show up?"

"Humans experience sexual attraction of some sort. It is something that applies to all accept a few, when attraction is not present due to one of several possible conditions."

"Ah."

That was not the response Seven had anticipated and so she affixed a questioning look on her face, which seemed appropriate.

"You don't experience sexual attraction and so you think something is wrong with you. Cause you think you have to experience it in order to be human unless there is something wrong with you. Only you can't find out what that thing is. Is that it?"

"It is."

"That... isn't actually true," Ensign Dhanya looked down at her food with a sad smile as she said that. "It is for around 99% of humans but that's not the same as all. It's just that the 1% don't get believed a lot of the time, or they're ignored because who wants to deal with something that flouts everything you know? Even the fundamentals of who we all are. And people who do accept it? Well, a lot of the wrong people still think it means something is wrong but there isn't."

"Explain," instructed Seven lowering her voice as he found useful in tense situations.

"Okay, so you have got people who are sexually attracted to the opposite sex. You've got people who are sexually attracted to the same, or both. Even to every gender expression regardless of sex. And lets ignore all the stuff brought in by other species for now cause you've tried for that I'd guess?"

"I have."

"Right. Well if you've got people who're attracted to one, the other or both doesn't it follow that some might not be attracted to either? Heterosexual people lack sexual attraction to the same sex after all. Gay people to the other sex. It isn't unreasonable that not being attracted to one might extend and so you're not attracted to any. It's called asexual. It happens. Doesn't mean anything is wrong with you. Ma'am."

"Asexual. That means an organism that is capable of reproducing itself..."

"I know. But the people who came up with it jut followed the terms already in use and... extrapolated from there. I can't say that's what you are but it could be."

"How do you know of this, surely it would be in the Starfleet database?"

"You'd think. Like I said, either people don't believe it or think there's something medically wrong most of the time. People were starting to hear about it and then there was the eugenics war which messed things up for a lot of us. Why put up with something 'abnormal' when you can try and fix it with genes? Maybe it'll work that time. And then when it was over humanity was in shatters and then we met alien life and then, and then and then. Disbelief of it's validity though by a lot of people including the ones in charge of what goes in medical databases."

That did not, Seven noted, explain how she knew of this 'asexual' option. And it seemed an entirely too poor explanation describing something that seemed to make no sense. But then humans were often like that.

"So how do you know of it? Are you asexual?"

"Me? No. But one of my ex-girlfriends was."

"Girlfriend? But how would that..."

"How would it work? That's... look. This isn't something you want to go into detail with in the Mess Hall, with people around. It isn't shameful but you're still figuring it out and you should have time to do that without everyone listening in regardless of any understand or help they might have or if you want them to. And my shift is starting in five minutes. I'll have an ask around, see if there's any other asexuals in the crew willing to talk."

"How would you tell?"

Dhanya smiled in a way that appeared to be sad, contradiction. "This might be the 24th century, and things may have progressed but that doesn't mean it's all perfect. Doesn't mean certain small groups get together to talk."

"I.... see."

"No, you don't. But you'll learn. The most important thing is to know this. If the Doctor says you're healthy, you are. This doesn't mean there's a thing wrong with you. You're fine. You're normal. Well, you're an ex-Borg and everyone on this ship is at least a bit different by now. But you're normal. And you're not the only one, trust me. It's important. I've got to go, but I'll visit you after shift if that's okay?"

"It is, thank you," Seven acknowledged.

And as the ensign turned to walk away something happened to her. It was a relaxation of the muscles through her body but it felt a if her mass had changed and so sat lighter on her seat.

There was nothing wrong with her, and she was not the only one.

She wasn't alone.

**Author's Note:**

> This was written for the lgbtfest 2010 on LiveJournal. It however took me a while to get into her head and so ended up being really rather late. Beta read by archae_ology of LJ so many thanks to her. The quote at the top is taken from a feature on Seven of Nine on YouTube that was presumably originally on the ST:VOY DVDs.
> 
> The actual prompt is this: 3051. Star Trek: Voyager, Seven of Nine, No, actually, Seven doesn't have to embrace sexuality in order to be human


End file.
